Pain pain go away....
Well it has been a while since I've updated the blog, and really so much and at the same time, so LITTLE has happened! Since we found out that I do have a lining that will grow and respond to hormones, we've also found out my body likes to grow ovarian cysts! Usually ovarian cysts are not too much of a problem (painful yes, but not a big deal for fertility). However, Dr. Walmer cannot get any eggs out for In Vitro if these cysts are in the way.
About 6 weeks ago, I went in for a procedure in the office to aspirate the cyst on my right ovary (which is actually called an "endometrioma" - endometriosis in the ovary that bleeds into the ovary, looking like a cyst but really acting as a benign tumor). It went fairly well (ouch!) but unfortunately, even after a whole lot of suppression with medications and a whole bunch more prayer, a week later it was back.
3 weeks later (this past week) we went in to see if it had been reabsorbed naturally. Between this time and the previous procedure, I had been having right much pain but we weren't sure if it was all the meds doing that. But we got discouraging news last week at the ultrasound when not only had that right cyst stayed but it had GROWN in size! And not only did I have one on the right (measuring 6 cm), but also had grown a new one on the left ovary. This one measured 8 CM!!! Huge! No wonder I had been having so much pain.
So the new treatment plan: Start Lupron injections to further suppress their growth. Have another in-office procedure to aspirate/drain both cysts on 10/21/09. Pray the Lupron is enough to suppress any more cysts!
I can be honest here. This blog has so far been a positive, hopeful one. And we still have not lost hope. But just like any couple facing this difficult heartbreaking issue of infertility, we have our good days & our bad days. The last 2 weeks have been very discouraging, very painful physically, and very painful emotionally. We just keep hitting road block after road block. At this point, we have discussed ALL options, and I am very much ready to stop the pain for good. Unfortunately, that also feels like giving up on God. You strike a fine line when you want to have all faith that the Lord is going to heal my body completely of all of these problems, and that He is going to bless us with our own baby, and when you also are hurting so badly physically that you cannot even function to go to work, school, church, etc. Sometimes we feel the Lord is trying to answer our prayers by NOT answering them. Does that make sense to anyone else?
So we have big decisions to make, because even though we do want our own biological child, to what lengths of torture do we go? We know that the Lord will not place on us anything we cannot handle - so we are in need of your prayers. I still have all faith that my God is in control of this situation, that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts, and we are trying to "lean not to our own understanding". Physical pain is a difficult beast to battle against.
In love,
About 6 weeks ago, I went in for a procedure in the office to aspirate the cyst on my right ovary (which is actually called an "endometrioma" - endometriosis in the ovary that bleeds into the ovary, looking like a cyst but really acting as a benign tumor). It went fairly well (ouch!) but unfortunately, even after a whole lot of suppression with medications and a whole bunch more prayer, a week later it was back.
3 weeks later (this past week) we went in to see if it had been reabsorbed naturally. Between this time and the previous procedure, I had been having right much pain but we weren't sure if it was all the meds doing that. But we got discouraging news last week at the ultrasound when not only had that right cyst stayed but it had GROWN in size! And not only did I have one on the right (measuring 6 cm), but also had grown a new one on the left ovary. This one measured 8 CM!!! Huge! No wonder I had been having so much pain.
So the new treatment plan: Start Lupron injections to further suppress their growth. Have another in-office procedure to aspirate/drain both cysts on 10/21/09. Pray the Lupron is enough to suppress any more cysts!
I can be honest here. This blog has so far been a positive, hopeful one. And we still have not lost hope. But just like any couple facing this difficult heartbreaking issue of infertility, we have our good days & our bad days. The last 2 weeks have been very discouraging, very painful physically, and very painful emotionally. We just keep hitting road block after road block. At this point, we have discussed ALL options, and I am very much ready to stop the pain for good. Unfortunately, that also feels like giving up on God. You strike a fine line when you want to have all faith that the Lord is going to heal my body completely of all of these problems, and that He is going to bless us with our own baby, and when you also are hurting so badly physically that you cannot even function to go to work, school, church, etc. Sometimes we feel the Lord is trying to answer our prayers by NOT answering them. Does that make sense to anyone else?
So we have big decisions to make, because even though we do want our own biological child, to what lengths of torture do we go? We know that the Lord will not place on us anything we cannot handle - so we are in need of your prayers. I still have all faith that my God is in control of this situation, that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts, and we are trying to "lean not to our own understanding". Physical pain is a difficult beast to battle against.
In love,
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