Change of perspective
Hi guys! I am still blogging... I know you probably thought I quit. I have all but come to a screeching halt, and wish I had more time to blog! But have a few minutes and thought I'd update everyone on a few things in the McLamb Life!
The adoption has still yet to be finalized. Yes, you read that right. He's 5 months old now, and still haven't made our final trek to OKC. Long story short, the judge presiding over our case got into some trouble and had to step down (nothing having to do w/ our adoption!). So they have been working with only 1 adoption judge in the entire state of OK for months! Needless to say, the adoption paperwork has become backlogged and ours is in that stack :( Even though the adoption is now irrevocable - even if they wanted to change their mind, they couldn't legally - it would be nice to have it good and FINAL. Our attorney seemed somewhat hopeful that it would be done by the end of May...
Zane is doing awesome! :) He's so stinkin' cute. And FAT! Haha! He weighs 17 lbs and is in ~ 70th percentile for weight and height (just estimating, b/c I'm too lazy to actually go pull the actual numbers they gave us!). He is the light of our lives. I love his little personality! He loves to LAUGH and is really becoming more of a child and less of a baby. It's been hard to see him grow so fast. I've been treasuring each moment of holding him and rocking him, as I know that one day soon he won't let me do that anymore. I never knew my heart could gush with such love. And then I think about the fact that if I love Zane this much, imagine how much the Lord loves US! So much that he allowed his own son to die for us. It really blows my mind more than ever, now that I'm a parent.
I've not had a fertility checkup in over a year now. Never really saw the point, because all they do is remind me that I need a hysterectomy. I've been doing pretty good with the endometriosis and ovarian cyst pain with hormonal treatments and not requiring a lot of Aleve or ibuprofen... until the last few months :( There's hardly a day that goes by without pain. I try not to complain, so a lot of people with Thirty-One or my coworkers and colleagues at work probably don't even know the pain I'm suffering through each day. But it's been rough. I called my RE at UNC, and the soonest they can see me is May. And they suggested more hormones that will only put me more into menopause. So I am seriously contemplating a hysterectomy more and more these days... haven't gotten there yet, but somehow having Zane in our lives has changed my perspective on the hysterectomy. I used to fight that recommendation from my specialists like the plague - but now, I have been considering it. I think about the possible relief of pain, how much more comfortably my clothes would fit without all the extra fluid and bloating from the cysts and endometriosis, and how much easier it would be without all the hormones. But then I think about all the side effects of menopause :( And I think about how FINAL that would be. The end of that chapter of ever possibly having children of my own. But maybe that chapter has ended a long time ago and I've just ignored that? I don't know. So I am praying for God to lead me in this very difficult decision and I would so appreciate if you would do the same!
Well that is all for now, hoping to have some better news next time I blog! :)
Love,
The adoption has still yet to be finalized. Yes, you read that right. He's 5 months old now, and still haven't made our final trek to OKC. Long story short, the judge presiding over our case got into some trouble and had to step down (nothing having to do w/ our adoption!). So they have been working with only 1 adoption judge in the entire state of OK for months! Needless to say, the adoption paperwork has become backlogged and ours is in that stack :( Even though the adoption is now irrevocable - even if they wanted to change their mind, they couldn't legally - it would be nice to have it good and FINAL. Our attorney seemed somewhat hopeful that it would be done by the end of May...
Zane is doing awesome! :) He's so stinkin' cute. And FAT! Haha! He weighs 17 lbs and is in ~ 70th percentile for weight and height (just estimating, b/c I'm too lazy to actually go pull the actual numbers they gave us!). He is the light of our lives. I love his little personality! He loves to LAUGH and is really becoming more of a child and less of a baby. It's been hard to see him grow so fast. I've been treasuring each moment of holding him and rocking him, as I know that one day soon he won't let me do that anymore. I never knew my heart could gush with such love. And then I think about the fact that if I love Zane this much, imagine how much the Lord loves US! So much that he allowed his own son to die for us. It really blows my mind more than ever, now that I'm a parent.
I've not had a fertility checkup in over a year now. Never really saw the point, because all they do is remind me that I need a hysterectomy. I've been doing pretty good with the endometriosis and ovarian cyst pain with hormonal treatments and not requiring a lot of Aleve or ibuprofen... until the last few months :( There's hardly a day that goes by without pain. I try not to complain, so a lot of people with Thirty-One or my coworkers and colleagues at work probably don't even know the pain I'm suffering through each day. But it's been rough. I called my RE at UNC, and the soonest they can see me is May. And they suggested more hormones that will only put me more into menopause. So I am seriously contemplating a hysterectomy more and more these days... haven't gotten there yet, but somehow having Zane in our lives has changed my perspective on the hysterectomy. I used to fight that recommendation from my specialists like the plague - but now, I have been considering it. I think about the possible relief of pain, how much more comfortably my clothes would fit without all the extra fluid and bloating from the cysts and endometriosis, and how much easier it would be without all the hormones. But then I think about all the side effects of menopause :( And I think about how FINAL that would be. The end of that chapter of ever possibly having children of my own. But maybe that chapter has ended a long time ago and I've just ignored that? I don't know. So I am praying for God to lead me in this very difficult decision and I would so appreciate if you would do the same!
Well that is all for now, hoping to have some better news next time I blog! :)
Love,
Tara, I don't know how you feel I can only tell you about my own experience. I to went through so much pain and emotions in trying to conceive a child. It was not in God's plan. He blessed Dean and I with a beautiful 2 yr old daughter in May of 2003 and I had a hysterectomy in Nov of that same year. Once I made the decision to go forward with the surgery I felt instant relief. Also, once I woke up from surgery I can't tell you the relief that I felt in knowing it was finally over! Living w/out the pain is SO worth it! I went from 24 hrs/everyday of pain to 24 hrs/everyday PAIN FREE! There is NO comparison to life before the surgery to now. No I would never know what it felt like to give birth but I can tell you that I have never regretted my decision to this day. It seemed like everything had come "full circle" once we had April and the next logical step was to have surgery. After surgery the doctor realized there was never any medical way I would have become pregant. I won't lie and say I have not wondered from time to time but I was always reminded that God was in control and he had a better things for me! We have since adopted a son whom we took custody of at 18 mths. who is now 5. There have been many many times I have wondered why did I wait so long to have the surgery. I wish you luck in this next phase of your journey. Go forward knowing God is in control! We will be praying and waiting to hear all about God's blessings in your family's lives. Love - Kim Butts
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