Comparison & frustration: What to do?

So a couple weeks ago I blogged about the epidemic of comparison.  I promised an "answer" of what we can do about it personally.  I've spent some time in thought, meditation, and prayer (my best thought processes came during my runs, when unfortunately I don't have anything to write or record those thoughts....).  That's why it's taken some time for me to wrap this up.  Also I want to make sure that whoever reads this knows I am also struggling with "comparison syndrome" especially when it comes to social media, so this is also for me.  As Paul states, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Philipians 3:12).  So here we go... be prepared - it's a long one!

First, recognize that this is a human flaw, a weakness in our flesh.  Lisa Terkeurst said, "...I desperately need God's truth to bump into my weaknesses every single day. Only then can I get out of the shadow of doubt and into the life-giving reality of who God has made me to be. And see it as good. Not perfect. Not even close. But good. And good is good."  

• Only can we get out of the shadow of comparing ourselves, our lives, our family, and our situation with others, can we understand and embrace who and what God has in store for us.
• Let's start by asking for forgiveness and for Him to help us in our weaknesses.  This will be a daily exercise! :)
• "If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." Galatians 6:3-5 (NIV).
• Let's call a spade a spade.  This is a sin called jealousy and/or envy.  And it calls for God's grace and mercy.  I am so thankful for that!!!

Second, get real.  A friend of mine (thanks Mandy Ramsey!) said, "I've [always] thought that social media allows us to create the life we want people to think we have all the while looking at others fake lives and hoping to have what they have."  What wisdom!  But such a simple truth.  

• We will never get over comparison syndrome and our frustration with it if we don't get real about social media.  Very few people are going to put their "bad hair day" pic or the negative aspects of their lives on Facebook.  Rather, people put their best on Facebook.  Believe you me, I would NOT put a pic of myself without makeup on Facebook or Instagram!  HAHA!  So if you're seeing a pic of me and thinking I have great skin, then you're sadly mistaken.  But isn't this the truth??  Why would we compare our worst to someone else's best?  That is not fair to us or to God!  Let's start by comparing apples to apples people!
• Here's a great example of this.... have you ever spent some time on Pinterest pinning away these gorgeous rooms?  Did you realize they usually cost thousands of dollars to create that "look"?  Check this out - Southern Living magazine is my all-time favorite for ideas and inspiration.  Each year they put out a new "Idea House" which will make the decorator in each female (or male!) drool.  There's gorgeous pictures of the 2013 Idea House with beautiful flowers in each room, arranged and gorgeous.  I have no green thumb, so seeing those pics makes me pine for "that look".  If you'll click HERE, you will discover that all those flowers were flown in and arranged by a world-renown floral designer for that "photo shoot"!  If you or I moved into that house, within 6 months, we would probably be lucky to have a dandelion in a vase.

Take a break.  If you find yourself with comparison syndrome, maybe you should quit looking at others' profiles and pictures.  Makes sense to me anyway.  During this siesta from social media, take the time to examine your heart and work on the next steps.  Maybe you can return on a limited basis at a later time.  In the religious world, this is called "fasting."

Celebrate others' good.  My wise friend Mandy also made me aware that Lysa Terkeurst in her book Unglued says, "comparison steals celebration. And a life void of celebration is a life empty. We stop celebrating our own good and have a really hard time celebrating others' good."  Allow yourself to be happy for others instead of being jealous of what they have/do/are and instead of wondering why God didn't give you that.

Celebrate your own good.  Can't find any good in your life?  Ask God to reveal to you some positive characteristics.  We are ALL blessed in some way.  We live in a first-world country with "first-world problems" like if we have enough bathing suits for our vacation... let that sink in.

Ask God for contentment.  Sometimes we must realize that God did not intend for us to have all this "stuff"or live such fancy extravagant lifestyles.  Some of these people that are doing so are either incredibly blessed financially/physically/etc., or they are in an incredible amount of debt in chasing that lifestyle.  Quit chasing after a dream God never placed on your path.  It may be distracting you from your own path and incredible amazing journey He has already laid out for YOU!!!  We will need to pray about being content with what we have.  This is not a natural human instinct.

Make a list.  Call it what you want.  A self-improvement list... A bucket list... A to-do list... Just make a list of those things you want to accomplish, to experience, to change.  My pastor finished up a sermon series recently that encouraged us to include God in our list-making (as our Guide), and also to continually examine our motives for WHY we have listed these things.  If it is to make yourself look better in the eyes of man, scratch it!  Galatians 1:10 says, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (ESV).  If, after prayer and careful examination of your heart and motives, you realize it will either benefit God, others, and/or yourself (in an non-selfish way), then go to my next point. :)

• By the way, it's okay to have some dreams that make you a better person.  Just because you list "lose 20 pounds" as a goal doesn't make you selfish or superficial necessarily!  If we see someone's picture of 6-pack abs, become envious, and continue to eat Krispy Kremes, then there's a gap in that goal!  Break the envy and put down the doughnut.  Some goals to better yourself may actually result in a happier, healthier you.  That may stream down and positively affect your family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers you meet.  In my opinion, it's ok to have self-centered goals as long as you don't become self-centered.

Make a plan to "git-er-done".  You want to take a vacation?  GREAT!  Just realize it doesn't have to be on the coast of Spain in order to be enjoyable.  Save up money, work hard, do what you've got to do in order to make that dream a reality (within reason of course).  And enjoy what's in your own backyard.  Quite literally - the coast of North Carolina has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world!  You can find a cheap motel and get your toes in the sand within hours. 

• Don't just sit idly by as life happens.  Make it happen.  Get off the couch.  Turn off the TV, computer, iPad, cell phone.  Get outside.  Some of these people you envy are just "living the life they love, and loving the life they live."  Sometimes it's just as simple as that.
• Here's a good example of making a plan... If you are a Pinterest-er (yes that is definitely not a word) like myself, create a board of stuff you've actually tried, and make a plan to try one thing off Pinterest a week/month/etc.  It holds you accountable to actually follow through on your dreaming instead of just dreaming.

Look to Jesus.  Make the Lord the focus of your life and everything else dims in comparison to His glory.  This sounds so simple.  Why do we make it so hard?  Why do we complicate it?  My favorite line to one of my favorite worship songs says, "I'm sorry, Lord, for the 'thing' I've made it... And it's all about You..."  Here's that song in case you wanted to hear it.

I could do a whole blog post about the contents of this song.  Wow, it stirs my heart!!!!

So, what are your thoughts?  Do you agree, disagree?  What do you have to add?  I'd love to hear from you guys!