Nerves
Right now I am a bundle of nerves. As I sit here in this rocker recliner that the hotel staff went out & got for us for the baby, my heart is pounding. I have been reading scripture on fear and courage and trusting in the Lord. But still I worry.
Tomorrow is the day T. goes to the courthouse to sign irrevocable consent! 10 a.m. Oklahoma time (11 a.m. NC time). The good news: we talked to her today through text. She is going! :) But so much more has transpired since yesterday ...hence the nerves. The birthfather's mother called us today - we wouldn't have answered the phone but by some stroke of luck (HA!) we accidently opened the phone's cover while it was ringing and couldn't see on caller ID who was calling. So we answered. And she proceeded to tell me how upset she was that she never got to hold the baby while in the hospital... that she felt like no one had approached her son (even though he knew about the pregnancy for 9 months) about terminating his rights and that she felt it was being handled "illegally". I just let her know that I knew this was hard for her, and that we had been & would continue to pray for her. I gave her the lawyer's number to talk to him about her legal concerns, and reassured her that he has done so many adoptions and knew what he was doing. But still...
Shortly after that conversation-that-never-should-have-taken-place, T. texted and asked us had the birthfather tried to contact us. Weird? I don't think so. When asked why, she said she got a weird text from him today & that he's been acting strangely all day. She sent the text to us. Needless to say, we began to feel very threatened by what was said in that text. I was so scared at that moment that I was trembling. We took some safety measures regarding the security at the hotel, and plan to possibly relocate to somewhere else in Oklahoma after the signing tomorrow. We prayed together for safety & favor, for both us & T. I felt better after that. However, I am now worried once again. Not sure why! Maybe I'm letting my nerves, my flesh get the best of me. Maybe it's Satan again, trying to plant lies and worries in my head. The good news is I serve a God that is BIGGER than all of this. He has placed a hedge around T. tonight to protect her in case he tries to get to her. He has placed a hedge around us & this baby. He will continue to guide us, sustain us, and give us hope and strength.
Whatever happens tomorrow we will give God glory. We will proclaim His awesomeness. Regardless of our circumstances, he is our Abba Father and our Jehovah Jireh. And we will always sing of his goodness. He gives and takes away. But we are believing that His plan is to GIVE to us tomorrow! :) We are just in awe at how many of you actually read this imperfect girl's writings of the love for her Savior. We are also honored that He would use this journey as a bigger part of his plan, to construct such an awesome testimony. We can't wait to tell it!
We will remain in OK until all paperwork in OK & NC is complete, at least 4 more days. So once the signing is done tomorrow we still must remain in the state until we get the "all clear" to travel according to the Interstate Compact laws.
We will let you know when we know something. Best to check FB first! Thanks for the continued prayers. We need them NOW more than EVER.
With love,
UPDATE: A friend of mine tagged me in a Proverbs 31 Ministries "note" on Facebook, and it was written just for something like what we are going through. It really spoke to me, so I thought I would post it here. Thanks Melody!! :)
Dear friend, whatever you are facing in this very moment, may you find rest and security in these truths and the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If He is for you, who can be against you?
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 43:5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.
Jeremiah 1:8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 30:11 I am with you and will save you,' declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 42:11 Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands.
Jeremiah 46:28 Do not fear, O Jacob my servant, for I am with you," declares the LORD.
Haggai 1:13 Then Haggai, the LORD's messenger, gave this message of the LORD to the people: "I am with you," declares the LORD
Haggai 2:4 Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty.
Matthew 28:20 And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Tomorrow is the day T. goes to the courthouse to sign irrevocable consent! 10 a.m. Oklahoma time (11 a.m. NC time). The good news: we talked to her today through text. She is going! :) But so much more has transpired since yesterday ...hence the nerves. The birthfather's mother called us today - we wouldn't have answered the phone but by some stroke of luck (HA!) we accidently opened the phone's cover while it was ringing and couldn't see on caller ID who was calling. So we answered. And she proceeded to tell me how upset she was that she never got to hold the baby while in the hospital... that she felt like no one had approached her son (even though he knew about the pregnancy for 9 months) about terminating his rights and that she felt it was being handled "illegally". I just let her know that I knew this was hard for her, and that we had been & would continue to pray for her. I gave her the lawyer's number to talk to him about her legal concerns, and reassured her that he has done so many adoptions and knew what he was doing. But still...
Shortly after that conversation-that-never-should-have-taken-place, T. texted and asked us had the birthfather tried to contact us. Weird? I don't think so. When asked why, she said she got a weird text from him today & that he's been acting strangely all day. She sent the text to us. Needless to say, we began to feel very threatened by what was said in that text. I was so scared at that moment that I was trembling. We took some safety measures regarding the security at the hotel, and plan to possibly relocate to somewhere else in Oklahoma after the signing tomorrow. We prayed together for safety & favor, for both us & T. I felt better after that. However, I am now worried once again. Not sure why! Maybe I'm letting my nerves, my flesh get the best of me. Maybe it's Satan again, trying to plant lies and worries in my head. The good news is I serve a God that is BIGGER than all of this. He has placed a hedge around T. tonight to protect her in case he tries to get to her. He has placed a hedge around us & this baby. He will continue to guide us, sustain us, and give us hope and strength.
Whatever happens tomorrow we will give God glory. We will proclaim His awesomeness. Regardless of our circumstances, he is our Abba Father and our Jehovah Jireh. And we will always sing of his goodness. He gives and takes away. But we are believing that His plan is to GIVE to us tomorrow! :) We are just in awe at how many of you actually read this imperfect girl's writings of the love for her Savior. We are also honored that He would use this journey as a bigger part of his plan, to construct such an awesome testimony. We can't wait to tell it!
We will remain in OK until all paperwork in OK & NC is complete, at least 4 more days. So once the signing is done tomorrow we still must remain in the state until we get the "all clear" to travel according to the Interstate Compact laws.
We will let you know when we know something. Best to check FB first! Thanks for the continued prayers. We need them NOW more than EVER.
With love,
UPDATE: A friend of mine tagged me in a Proverbs 31 Ministries "note" on Facebook, and it was written just for something like what we are going through. It really spoke to me, so I thought I would post it here. Thanks Melody!! :)Dear friend, whatever you are facing in this very moment, may you find rest and security in these truths and the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If He is for you, who can be against you?
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 43:5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.
Jeremiah 1:8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 30:11 I am with you and will save you,' declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 42:11 Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands.
Jeremiah 46:28 Do not fear, O Jacob my servant, for I am with you," declares the LORD.
Haggai 1:13 Then Haggai, the LORD's messenger, gave this message of the LORD to the people: "I am with you," declares the LORD
Haggai 2:4 Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty.
Matthew 28:20 And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
I totally understand and agree with your decision to go private. Too much risk that this blog could lead to your being tracked down in your home by those who may threaten you or sweet Zane. I know it is frustrating, but I commend your faith and your resolve! Hold fast to God's promises for you! Love and prayers!
ReplyDeleteTara you and Justin continue to just be an inspiration to me and Trent. Trust me he has worried about this as much as me. Just be careful. Take adavantage of the security. I just pray for the text that everything is over. It's been a long road we've been on. I love you and cannot wait to see you as a mother in person. You are glowing in the pictures and Zane is the luckiest little boy I know of. I hope you never go to OK again, whew! Are you guys driving back home? if so send me plenty of texts or emails would be better so i can give you something to chat about with your husband on the the way home. Prayers for you, Justin, your parents, the birth mom and most importantly Baby Zane Michael McLamb! Oh, if you are up and need to talk just call me. Insomnia real bad! 0412, yes it's that bad. love you all!
ReplyDelete"our God is greater, our God is stronger, GOD you are greater, than any other...."
ReplyDeleteMy nerves are tore up too, girl. Had a long run this morning and prayed for you guys & T the whole time. PRAYING. Waiting to rejoice with you today!!!!
Almost 12pm here in NC. Praying fervently for you all!! Keep us updated!
ReplyDelete