Four Weeks and Failed Adoptions

In 3 1/2 hours, my son will be exactly 4 weeks old :(  One MONTH!  Four weeks ago, my life was forever changed.  Four weeks ago, at this very time, I was sitting in a waiting room almost sick to my stomach & scared for my life as the birthfather & his mother tried to manipulate and coerce T. to change her mind and give the baby to them.  I am so thankful she didn't give in.  This little guy is perfect in every way, and just as his name proclaims, God is so gracious to place this gift in our lives.  There were so many years that we didn't know if we would ever be parents.  Doctors would tell us "there's no hope", and my heart was not ready for adoption, mostly for the fear of a failed adoption (meaning, that the bmom would change her mind).  Failed adoptions are real.  In fact, our agency told us it's actually quite common - as many as 1 in 4 birthmoms change their minds.  The words "failed adoption" is a strange phrase to me - true, that the baby has not been placed with the adoptive family, as was the original plan, and therefore, the adoption failed.  But sometimes, birthmoms just need to know that they actually can be moms.  And if they are able physically and mentally to give care and love to their baby, the best place for that baby is with the woman who carried him within her.  However, for those bmoms who do decide they want to keep the baby in the end, it is not a "failure" for them!  That is a tough decision, to decide if you are "fit enough" to be a mother.  But still, the heartache that adoptive couples face in failed adoptions is horrible and sometimes insurmountable.  Often, the adoptive couple loses some or all of the money invested.  Not to mention time invested into the expectation of this child's arrival.  Can you imagine waiting for 9 months, all the while thinking you will be bringing a baby home on a certain date, only to find out at the hospital that that dream is not a reality at all??  But our attorney says that in his experience, this is where most failed adoptions take place... at the hospital after the baby has been born.

I have a few blogger friends who are experiencing this loss, this open wound, even today.  I will not link to their blogs just in case they don't want a slew of people gallavanting all over their pages when they are grieving over their loss.  But will you please agree with me, that you will pray for Lindsey, Sonia, and the rest of those mamas-in-waiting that are heartbroken by their failed adoptions?  Lindsey has had more than one failed adoption - but yet she maintains hope, despite the pain and the urge to give up, that God will remain true to his promises to her & her husband.

I am so thankful that God allowed our adoption to go through.  I cannot pretend to know this heartache, but as we teetered on that edge of uncertainty 4 weeks ago, my mind can't help but drift there, to the what if's.  The fight is not over.  On Monday (Nov. 22), the birthfather must appear in court to either terminate his rights or announce that he will fight the adoption.  If he doesn't show up, his rights are automatically terminated.  If he tries to fight it, our attorney states that he has Oklahoma law on our side... In OK, the bfather must show emotional and financial support for the duration of the pregnancy - he has not done this.  Only in the last month did he show any interest, and it seems to be more of a territorial thing - "this is my offspring, you can't have him even though I don't want him either" type of thing.  Just start praying friends!!!  Pray that he will not show up to court on Monday, or that if he does, he will terminate his rights.  I would fight to the death to keep the child from entering his arms (and his family's for that matter) - he uses drugs, is life-threateningly violent, and dangerously unstable mentally.  My child would not be safe in this man's care, or in the care of his mother.  .....It's times like this I am glad I went private with the blog so I can share my entire heart! :)

Four weeks ago, God gave us a breath-taking gift.  This gift likes to sleep on his side, or with his arms up high by his head.  This angel likes to scream when he's hungry (just like me!).  He is continuously snorting thanks to reflux.  He goes to sleep when he makes a dirty diaper - must be something about a warm butt. :)  He likes to spit formula and let drip down his chin.  In four weeks, I've accepted that sticky formula fingers, spit-up on my shirt, pee on the opposite wall and in my hair, and constant worry for his health and safety are all new but sweet realities of my life as a mama.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  The last 4 weeks have been some of the most exhausting but fabulous times in my life.

Thanks for your prayers about Monday and about my friends grieving today.  I know that they appreciate it.