Faith
Let me just preface this by saying... I have been contemplating making this blog private, meaning you would need to send me your email address if you wanted to continue reading. I really hate to do that. I have done everything else to ensure my/our privacy is covered. However, I am still thinking about it. What are your thoughts?
Well, today's theme has been simple: faith. We went to T's appointment with her - she is 70% effaced (cervix thinning), baby's head is engaged in birth canal, and she is about 3 cm dilated. So it won't be long!
I don't want to go into details further than the fact that God is testing our faith. Stretching it. We are trying to be patient. We are trying to be understanding and compassionate. But... let's just say that it's very hard. So today was another day of faith-testing. Gosh, God sure is good at that! I have not had a good makeup day if you get me. But we still believe that God's not brought us this far to leave us now. He has a purpose in mind. We must stay faithful. We must hold on to hope. I know this birthfamily is coming to grips with the reality of the adoption. And they are struggling with it. That makes us naturally fearful that the adoption will fall through. But we know this is hard for them. Every time those thoughts begin to creep in, I have to literally tell myself... "God is faithful." He will follow through on his promises. He will not leave us deserted.
So tonight (or whenever you are reading this), please pray for the birthfamily. Pray they will be able to deal with the possible emotions of loss, sadness, guilt, bitterness, spite, etc. Pray they will open their hearts to us. Pray their hearts will be softened for the good of this child. Pray for God's will to become real to us all. Pray for God's strength to infuse us and hold us up when we want to quit and literally go home. Pray for God's peace as we lean on Him to carry us through this uncertainty, when all that is around us is screaming, "I will never get this baby" ... "I will always be reminded that this is not my child". We know that these circumstances say "It is impossible" .... But with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Love & prayers,
Well, today's theme has been simple: faith. We went to T's appointment with her - she is 70% effaced (cervix thinning), baby's head is engaged in birth canal, and she is about 3 cm dilated. So it won't be long!
I don't want to go into details further than the fact that God is testing our faith. Stretching it. We are trying to be patient. We are trying to be understanding and compassionate. But... let's just say that it's very hard. So today was another day of faith-testing. Gosh, God sure is good at that! I have not had a good makeup day if you get me. But we still believe that God's not brought us this far to leave us now. He has a purpose in mind. We must stay faithful. We must hold on to hope. I know this birthfamily is coming to grips with the reality of the adoption. And they are struggling with it. That makes us naturally fearful that the adoption will fall through. But we know this is hard for them. Every time those thoughts begin to creep in, I have to literally tell myself... "God is faithful." He will follow through on his promises. He will not leave us deserted.
So tonight (or whenever you are reading this), please pray for the birthfamily. Pray they will be able to deal with the possible emotions of loss, sadness, guilt, bitterness, spite, etc. Pray they will open their hearts to us. Pray their hearts will be softened for the good of this child. Pray for God's will to become real to us all. Pray for God's strength to infuse us and hold us up when we want to quit and literally go home. Pray for God's peace as we lean on Him to carry us through this uncertainty, when all that is around us is screaming, "I will never get this baby" ... "I will always be reminded that this is not my child". We know that these circumstances say "It is impossible" .... But with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Love & prayers,
Tara,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me and I am not even sure how I found your blog. I found it a few weeks ago and have been following it ever since. (so if you go private, I will be very sad because I look each day in anticipation to know what is happening) I guess I was drawn to your blog because it was about adoption and 5 years ago, I found myself in the situation of not being married but pregnant. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Even though I considered adoption, worked with an agency and talked with several adopting families, I chose to keep my baby. I had many friends at the agency that did chose to place their baby and I learned so much from them. I understand the heartache that your birthmom is going through and it brings back so many memories of mine. I did learn that whatever happens is right and it is God's will. I know that is sometimes so hard to believe and hard to have faith when it is being tried but I am impressed with your attitude and testimony of the love of our Savior. I pray for all people involved, you and your husband, and the sweet birth mother who is about to make the hardest decision of her life. Hang in there and try to be happy no matter what happens. You are a daughter of God, He loves you and He is aware of your righteous desires to have a family. Through your obedience, He will bless you. Keep the faith!
Stac, thank you so much for your perspective from "the other side" of things! Our birthmom has been so incredible so I cannot complain. I cant imagine what she is going through... She unfortunately will not be able to keep this child regardless, so I am so glad she has been able to choose the couple that her child will be raised with, and get to hold him if she wants to do so. This is such a hard situation for all involved, emotionally especially! I pray she will be able to find peace through this difficult but courageous and self-sacrificial decision. Thank you again for commenting and for following :) love in Christ, Tara
ReplyDeleteTara, I continue to pray for you, Justin, T and all others involved.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I made my blog private. I was torn, but wanted to be able to share without worry. The wolrd wide web is just that, world wide. If you go pfivate I will totally understand, but yes would love to be a reader!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyone who has adopted knows what you are dealing with. My Mom recently said, "It's hard to look at baby clothes isn't it?" It is hard to allow hope, because although we do put our total faith in God, we are still human, still sinners, and still live in a fallen world. Don't be to hard on yourself. What you are dealing with is emotionally very hard. My prayers are with you you guys. He is almost here, keep holding on.
Tara, as I have sat and read your Blog from day one, even before the adoption process begain, with you sharing your and Justin's day to day struggle with all your ups and downs. I cannot remember a time when when I have sat down and read your blog that tears of joy, happeness, fear, hurt, what ever the case may be have filled my eyes and ran down my face. I love you and Justin and are thankful that you are in our family. I can not imagine how hard this situation is not only for you and Justin, but for the birthmom and her family. I pray that God gives you comfort and the strenght and to know that he is in control. You are a child of God and in everyone of your post it shows. I too am thankful for your blog. Everytime I read them, I get a blessing from the words you write. You may never know how many lives you have touch...one day you will be rewarded. For today, I sit here with tears in my eyes (again) praying for you and Justin. Knowing that God will be by your side in the days to come. Love you! Leigh Ann
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how you're feeling (I think I say that every time I comment!). But, I trust that you're using this time to glorify God. Praying that the birth family sees Jesus all over you. We were made in His image, for His glory, even in times like these!
Praying that God would give you peace beyond understanding and places little Zane in your arms FOREVER!
Love,
Christie
Tara, I just read your update and I wanted to tell you..."Don't give up". You and your familly are amazing and so unselfish. If I was in your situation, I don't think I could be so patient. Satan is trying you. Don't let him succeed in his evil. Prayers are going out by hundreds of people, even ones that are not "spiritual". You don't realize it but you all may be witnessing to others and leading them to Christ by your blogs and coomitment to Christ through this trying time. Keep the faith! God will see you through. When you feel down, depressed and inpatient, remember we are all right there with you giving you a big spritual and healing hug. Soon you will be rejoicing. You will look back and know it was all worth it. We Love you all!
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone could say words to truly help you because you can only find true peace in God and I know He is helping you in every way He needs to. However, I do want you to know that you and Justin are in Josh and my thoughts and prayers and we don't go a day without reading your guys blogs so we can know just how to pray for you needs. God has you in the palm of His hands and He knows your best intrest at heart. We love you guys and pray you find peace in today even in the midst of everything going on around you.
Brooke Overton
Tara, although I check your blog daily, this is my first time leaving a comment and I think for that I've done a disservice to you. What you may not know is how much your blog reaches and speaks to other people. You have an enchanting tale to tell ... and you're a witty and creative writer to say the least! You're an amazing woman and you influence so many because you lead by example. Whether you decide to keep your blog public or make it private you have already made an impact in the lives of more people than you can possibly imagine. I'm sure that those people, like me, who find themselves thinking of you often, wondering how you're doing, wishing the best for you, and praying for your overall well being and happiness will continue to keep you in their hearts and in their heads. I, myself, am not a religious person, but I find your steadfast faith and love for God inspiring and courageous and nothing short of amazing! You have been so brave to share so much of your life and your story with us and for that I am thankful. By sharing your thoughts with us you have given us a glimpse into your daily life and I sometimes feel like you've made many of us a part of that. I almost always tear up whenever I read what you've written and yet I always come back for more! To me, your blogs are beautiful, heartwarming, joyous, courageous, passionate, comforting, and inspiring! And sometimes they are heartwrenching, sad, unimaginable, and painful and so I can see why this may be very hard for you to share with everyone! Thanks for sharing what you already have and I hope that if you continue to share your life through this blog that I'll be able to read along with many others as you journey through life, growing spiritually, emotionally, and creatively each and every day. Keep up the good work and hang in there ... what doesn't break us will only make us stronger!!! With Love, Sheree.
ReplyDeleteHang tight, Tara and Justin. The night looks the darkest just before the sun arises....It can't be long now! Hugs, Lisa
ReplyDeleteMy sweet, precious, dear friend,
ReplyDeleteAs I believe your first follower, you know how much your blog has meant to me. It has given me a chance to really know my old childhood friend although we are far apart. I love remembering our old times hanging out at church and other events. Of course, if you choose to go private, I understand, but I will of course want to continue to follow.
We both believe that God has brought you here for a reason. Your journey has blessed so many. Do not give up hope! Satan is just tempting you and trying to make you lose faith, but your faith is grounded deeper than that! You are always in my thoughts and prayers, and I wait everyday for more news! 3 inches is a very, very good sign that it will be soon! :o)
Love,
Sherry
I too have not commented on your blog but while I hate to see you go private because I have loved following your story, I do understand that there are things that you may not want to share with the world. You have an amazing story to tell and you do so with such grace.
ReplyDeleteI'm a recent follower and I totally understand if you want to go private, but I would love to continue following! I can't imagine the anxiety, worry, and doubt you are feeling right now. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your trip and have stayed quiet so far because I have been where you are and it did not turn out well. I guess the thing to know is that what will happen will happen and you have no control over it. I wish there was more certainty, but there isn't. I wish I had a timetable for when my baby might come along, but I don't. This is the part where we surrender and say "Not my will but yours be done."
I will pray that T knows peace in her decision. Peace that can only come from God. I pray that it will flow through her and you as well.
Keep posting! We are all here for you.
Tara and Justin,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know as well as others that have commented previously, that your blog is such a ministry of God's work and his will. I pray for you and Justin everyday and you all cross my minds so much. I went to Tee's Chapel with Justin's family and always ask Ms. Mary Ellen whenever I am back home visiting how you both are doing.I know personally how hard it is when God presents you with something that you are unsure of,can't find the answer to and tests your amount of patience, but look how far ya'll have come and our God never fails :) I wish the best for you and please know that I'm praying for you and Justin, as well as the birth mother and her family.
Just wanted you to know we prayed for you guys at church tonight. God is faithful. I know it is very hard right now and I pray for continued strength and faith for you two.
ReplyDeletechristy
I have been following the last 2 weeks and checking on you and Justin every day. I went to high school with you and haven't seen you in years but I heard of your amazing journey and have been praying for you daily. I told my husband about your situation and we are both praying for you. My best girlfriend here in Raleigh went through a similar situation and adopted an amazing baby boy just 3 months ago. So to say the least this has hit home for me. I will pray for you all to have peace until God has finished his miraculous works. I understand if you have to go private, but know that I will be praying for you either way.
ReplyDeleteWith loving thoughts, Heather K. S.